The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we made out on top of his cat.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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