literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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