I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
