the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
