The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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