I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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