You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize