Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
