I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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