I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
