i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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