textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
