We're facebook friends in real life
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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