Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
