last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
