Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
