i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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