Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
