I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
