i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
