im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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