he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I party with great urgency now.
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