Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
