I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
