she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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