Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
