I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
