he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
