did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
