Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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