when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
