the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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