the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
