tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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