He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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