Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
