You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
