Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
3 2 1 whiskey
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
