Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
