Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
