Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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