Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
