Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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