the condom got lost in my hair
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
