mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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