Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
