Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
