Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize