so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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