i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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