and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
