fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
time to smoke my breakfast
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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