he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
