Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
