He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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