If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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