Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
