what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
