and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
