Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
