You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
