Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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