I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
