What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
