I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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