He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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